“Rodney told me he wants to wait until he’s settled in his career before he gets married,” my husband related.
“How did you respond?”
“I told him that being in a supportive relationship had done a lot to move me forward.”
My husband was a waiter when we got married. He had recently finished a graduate degree and hadn’t yet found a job in his area of interest. Now he works in foreign policy and is actively involved in our community.
We did evaluate career ambitions as part of the process of determining our compatibility. How did I feel about his career ambition to be a Foreign Service Officer? Would he be supportive of the projects, such as this one, I pursued outside of work? Career was not, however, considered in our decision about when we wanted to get married – only our readiness to commit.
If we had waited until we were “settled” I doubt we would have ever gotten married. Gone are the days my mother talks about, when a college degree easily led to a job and it was not completely unnatural to work for the same company for twenty years. Gone is nine-to-five and the lunch hour. Welcome to longer working hours and the practical necessity to change jobs to advance. “Settled”, archived next to “simpler times”, is a deceptive notion that exists more in our pictures of what we think life should look like than in what it actually does. Abandon settled and move forward into life’s adventure together.