Today is Friday the 13th, which is traditionally considered to be bad luck, because it was the date of the Last Supper, whose participants were slaughtered one by one by an unstoppable maniac in a hockey mask. It’s a good day to offer the following lucky seven updated superstitions, which will help you avoid misfortune and charm Fate in today’s working world. This is true even if you do not believe it:
1. Old superstition: If you break a mirror, then you will have seven years of bad luck. New superstition: If you jam the copier, and walk away, then for seven years the thermostat in your office will not work properly.
2. Old superstition: If your ears itch, then someone is talking about you. New superstition: If your coccyx itches, then someone is posting to Facebook a picture of you at the office holiday party, doing something you either can’t remember or wish you could forget.
3. Old superstition: If a friend gives you a gift of a knife, it means your friendship is doomed. New superstition: If your boss gives you an assignment of no importance whatsoever, it means your job is doomed. Unless you work in a real bureaucracy, in which case it means your job is permanently secure.
4. Old superstition: If all of the food on the dinner table is eaten, it means it will be a clear day tomorrow. New superstition: If all of the donuts in the break room are eaten, it means that somebody took two, because I never got one.
5. Old superstition: If you spill salt, then toss a pinch over your shoulder to distract the devil and avoid bad luck. New superstition: If you spill coffee on signed documents just before a closing, then toss a subordinate around the room to distract the boss and avoid blame.
6. Old superstition: If you find a four-leaf clover, then you are lucky. New superstition: If you find a working stapler, then you are really, really lucky. And it will disappear from your desk within a week.
7. Old superstition: If you walk under a ladder, then you will have bad luck. New superstition: If you remain standing under a corporate ladder, you’ll never move up, and all you’ll do is break the fall of those who tumble off.